The following is from Courtney Thomas, James City County (Virginia) Care Team coordinator.
The author, Courtney Thomas, pictured with Ruby Payne.
Attending Ruby Payne’s keynote at the Together We Thrive conference was such an eye-opening experience for me. While I’ve read her books and have been familiar with her work for some time, hearing her speak in person and seeing her visual aids brought her ideas to life in a new way. One of the biggest takeaways for me was her continued emphasis on the connection between the autonomic nervous system and how it shapes the behavior of people, especially those living in poverty. She highlighted how the body’s natural responses are tied to the experiences people in poverty face daily.
It became clear that this is not just an idea—this is a biological reality for many individuals stuck in survival mode. The explanation of the “tyranny of the moment,” the constant state of reacting to immediate crises without the space to plan ahead, struck me deeply. In my work, I see this day in and day out, but her talk helped me really grasp the science behind it. It really helps explain why so many of the people I serve often feel overwhelmed and trapped, as their bodies and minds are constantly in a state of high alert.
Another key point she made was about the importance of moving people from being “disengaged to being connected.” She spoke about the power of relationships and how we, as frontline workers, can be those “safety anchors” for the people we serve. This message resonated with me deeply, as I strongly believe that building real and meaningful connections is the key to helping people move forward. As the saying goes, “No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” It’s not just about providing resources or solutions—it’s about showing up for people, helping them put words to their experiences, and supporting them in their journey. It’s about asking not just “why” they’re struggling but “how” they’ve survived and how we can help them take the next step forward.
In my work as a social worker with children and families for 18 years, I see firsthand how powerful relationships can be. It’s not just the relationships that clients or participants form with us as professionals, but it’s also the connections they build with one another. Often, people feel isolated, like they’re the only ones struggling. But in programs like Getting Ahead, I watch these individuals form real, lasting bonds. They become a healthy natural support system for each other, offering encouragement and understanding that helps them move forward in ways they never thought possible. These relationships are an essential part of building social capital—connections they can rely on even after our programs end.
The keynote speech ended with Ruby discussing a river metaphor by Oswald Chambers that really made me think. She talked about how a river, no matter what obstacles it faces, keeps flowing and finds new ways to keep moving. This resonated with me because it reminded me that, even as just one person, I can make a real difference. No matter how challenging the work can be, I am part of that river, helping others find new paths forward. I left the conference feeling recharged and inspired, knowing that the relationships I build and the support I offer can help create the bridges people need to thrive.
Courtney Thomas is a passionate advocate for children and families overcoming adversity. As a 2Gen enthusiast, she works hard to help empower families in poverty to thrive, breaking barriers on their path to self-efficacy and holistic wellness. In her role as James City County Care Team coordinator, she is dedicated to the mission of partnering with families on their journey toward health and overall well-being.
